


Jealous of the way (you're happy without me)

by BloodInTheFields



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Jealousy, jealous kara, mentions pretty much every character, past Karamhell but it's pretty much irrelevant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-10-08 23:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10398306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodInTheFields/pseuds/BloodInTheFields
Summary: Kara had known jealousy when she’d had to witness James with Lucy for months. It had been a cold feeling that would settle in her chest, but despite the pain it caused her, she’d been strong enough to overcome it.She still remembered her anger and hatred for Non, she remembered being under the influence of the red kryptonite. Experiences she wished she’d never have to relive.She’d thought, back then, that there weren’t many other feelings that could cause her to lose her temper; that she had experienced them all and knew how to control them.She’d been wrong.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I promised a one-shot but I'm still not done with it so I'm posting it in two (or three?) parts. Let me know what you think!

Kara had always tried her hardest to steer clear of negative emotions. They were dangerous. Not to her particularly, but to everyone around her. They were dangerous because of all the power that coursed through Kara’s veins; a power she had to keep in check at all times. If she ever let negative emotions such as anger take over, Kara wasn’t sure exactly how dangerous she could become.

 

Anger, most of the time, she could manage. She had a good handle on it. Sadness and grief she had grown up with and they were familiar. Those were dangerous to Kara, but not so much to the people around her.

 

Kara had known jealousy when she’d had to witness James with Lucy for months. It had been a cold feeling that would settle in her chest, but despite the pain it caused her, she’d been strong enough to overcome it.

 

She still remembered her anger and hatred for Non, she remembered being under the influence of the red kryptonite. Experiences she wished she’d never have to relive.

 

She’d thought, back then, that there weren’t many other feelings that could cause her to lose her temper; that she had experienced them all and knew how to control them.

 

She’d been wrong.

 

In her defense, Kara had never even suspected that she could feel this way, that such… _irrationality_ could possess her mind. But the feeling had crept up on her, over time, without her even realizing it was happening.

 

Kara could identify the emotion easily. It was jealousy. But this time, it felt entirely different, new in a way that Kara didn’t like but couldn’t escape. It was as if a fire had ignited within her; that jealousy was hot and simmering unlike what she’d felt about James and Lucy. She’d been unable to recognize it for what it was until it was too late, until the flames of jealousy had well and truly been fanned.

 

And the one person responsible for that didn’t even know, didn’t even suspect that Kara felt this way.

 

They’d embarked on a tentative friendship at first, unsure of where exactly the other stood. Time spent together was sparse and mostly work-related, but it was enjoyable and soon Kara had found herself stopping by more often and not necessarily because her job required it.

 

Kara was Lena Luthor’s only friend in National City, or so the woman had told her once. It still boggled her mind how lonely Lena was despite her kindness and intelligence and _beauty_. So Kara had done her best to be Lena’s friend and over the months they had grown closer; close enough that the tentative friendship had taken deep roots and had become a real one.

 

Things had changed recently. It had begun three weeks ago, when Kara had been on her way to Lena’s office. She’d stepped out of the elevator, walked directly to Jess’ desk to chat with her for a moment, and that’s when it had happened. The door to Lena’s office had opened, revealing a smiling CEO and an equally joyous woman that Kara had never seen before. They had hugged and had promised each other to go out for dinner the next day, and Kara had frowned.

 

Her eyes had followed the woman until she’d disappeared inside the elevator and it had taken Jess loudly clearing her throat to get Kara’s attention back to her.

 

“Miss Luthor will see you now,” Jess had said, nodding toward the door where Lena was still standing with a smile on her face.

 

She’d tried to ignore the knot in her stomach and after a few minutes in Lena’s company, it had vanished entirely. Kara had felt silly then.

 

__

 

When Lena had apologized for skipping their weekly lunch four days later, Kara had thought nothing of it at first. Lena was a busy woman and sometimes that meant not having enough time to eat. Kara had stopped by L-Corp on her way back to CatCo after her break to drop off a salad for Lena. The secretary’s desk had been vacant and Kara, naturally, had knocked on Lena’s door and opened it without waiting for an invitation.

 

The paper bag in her hand had almost dropped to the floor. Lena hadn’t been alone, working. No, she’d been having lunch in her office with the same woman Kara had seen days earlier.

 

“Kara,” Lena had exclaimed, surprised to see her.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you had company. I just—I was afraid you’d skip lunch entirely so I brought you something. But, uh… I see you’ve got that covered.”

“Oh, well, that’s very nice of you…”

 

Lena had trailed off and had looked back and forth between Kara and her friend before shaking her head.

 

“Where are my manners? Kara, this is Elle, a dear friend of mine. Elle, this is Kara, my reporter friend.”

 

 _Reporter friend_. Kara hadn’t liked that very much. But, ever the polite woman, she’d entered the office, shook the woman’s hand with a smile and then turned to address Lena.

 

“Well, I’ll just bring this back to James, then. I know being a CEO doesn’t leave much free time to eat.”

“That’s a great idea Kara. I’ll call you this weekend?”

“Okay.”

 

After a parting smile, Kara had fled the room.

 

Lena hadn’t called that weekend.

 

__

 

The worst had come at the beginning of this week. After a long day at work and a close fight with a couple of aliens, Kara had been looking forward to a quiet night in her apartment with Netflix and hot cocoa. What she hadn’t expected was that barely fifteen minutes into the movie she’d opted to watch, someone would knock at the door. She’d groaned in frustration but her mood had lifted as soon as she’d opened the door to find Lena standing behind it. They hadn’t seen each other in almost two weeks and the surprise visit had been a welcome one. Well, at first anyway.

 

Lena had seemed happy—happier than Kara had seen her lately—and her eyes had been so vibrant that Kara had idly wondered if she could get hypnotized if she stared into them for too long. Then Lena had broken the news to her.

 

“I’m going on a date!”

 

It had taken Kara close to a minute to actually be able to say anything that resembled a word. Lena had interpreted Kara’s stunned silence as shock (which it had been) that someone had asked her out and she’d begun to explain how Elle had been courting her for weeks before working up the courage to invite her on a proper date.

 

“We’re going to that new fancy place near the Ritz. I heard they make the best lasagna ever! Oh, Kara, I’m so happy!”

 

Kara had felt terribly guilty for wishing Elle would just disappear into thin air. Never before had she experienced the kind of burning that had flared in her guts.

 

She’d known for sure right then.

 

Jealousy. Oh how Kara hated it.

 

__

 

Today was it. Lena’s date with Elle. Kara wished she could forget about it but it was simply impossible to push the thought away. She had never even entertained the idea of dating Lena because she’d never… _swung that way_ before. Sure she’d always been appreciative of women; she’d envied some of them too. But she had never felt so strongly about one, and certainly not that kind of feeling.

 

Kara tried to rationalize her jealousy by telling herself over and over that she was just afraid Lena would neglect their friendship. Her own little devil on the shoulder simply laughed at her. Kara wasn’t like that. She hadn’t felt like that when Alex had started ditching her to spend more time with Maggie, or when Winn had begun hanging out with Mon-El instead of her after her break-up with the Daxamite.

 

Nothing personal, Winn had told her, but Mon-El needed a friend and Kara had other people. She hadn’t dared point out that it wasn’t exactly true anymore. Between being Guardian and CatCo’s acting CEO, James didn’t have much time left for socializing. J’onn was busy building his own friendship with M’gann. And Lena…

 

Well. Now, Lena had a girlfriend. The word made Kara scowl. She knew she’d have to listen to Lena gush about her date in the upcoming days. The mere thought filled her with dread. What if she blurted out something stupid, like _I don’t want to hear about it_ or _you deserve better_? Lena would surely hate her and Kara wouldn’t blame her. She didn’t even know Elle, how could she possibly think that she wasn’t good enough for Lena?

 

 _No one will ever be good enough for Lena_ , the devil on her shoulder whispered at her.

 

“Shut up,” she mumbled. “Shut up.”

 

__

 

Inevitably, Kara started seeing Lena less often. Even when Lena extended invitations to her, Kara would find an excuse to politely refuse. She didn’t feel like third-wheeling and she also held onto her petty grudge against Elle, whom she still didn’t know at all. Lena would talk about her but usually, Kara would tune her out after a couple of minutes and her less-than-enthused replies must have betrayed her because, after a few times, Lena stopped mentioning Elle at all.

 

It weighed on their friendship, put a strain on it. Neither Kara nor Lena acknowledged it. Kara’s guilt only grew along with her jealousy. She wondered how long it would be before Lena stopped talking to her. Kara didn’t want that to happen but she knew it was inevitable. She hadn’t been a good friend lately.

 

__

 

Alex finally noticed that something was definitely wrong with her after a month or so. Kara had thrown herself into her work. As a result, Snapper had decided to publish more of her articles and he’d even grumbled a few words of encouragement that had left Kara dumbstruck.

 

As for Supergirl, she’d worked longer hours and punched harder. Too hard, on several occasions. It was after a particularly bad evening for Supergirl’s adversary that Alex barged into her apartment, slammed the door behind her and planted herself in front of Kara who was moping on her couch.

 

“What the hell was that?”

“Alex,” Kara whined.

“You could have killed him! We don’t kill Kara. _You_ don’t kill!”

“I just… I’ve had a bad day, okay?”

“Day? Try month! You’ve been acting completely out of character for weeks.”

 

Noting her sister’s defeated look, Alex deflated and sat down next to her.

 

“Kara, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Kara muttered tiredly.

“Come on. Let’s skip that thing where you pretend you’re okay and I keep pushing until you spill. Talk to me.”

 

Kara debated for a moment but she knew Alex would get the truth out of her sooner or later. She sighed deeply and let her head rest on her sister’s shoulder.

 

“When Maggie was dating her ex-girlfriend, how did that make you feel?”

 

There was a pause; Alex clearly not expecting the question.

 

“Uh, well… I mean at the time I wasn’t even out to myself, you know? It was, uh, weird. I knew I was crushing on her but I couldn’t even admit it to myself so…”

“Were you jealous?”

“In hindsight, yeah, probably. A little. Why?”

 

Kara didn’t answer. Alex drew her own conclusion and Kara would have laughed if she wasn’t feeling so shitty.

 

“If this is about Mon-El, I don’t think he’s seeing anyone. And you broke things off with him, so… Do you want him back? Because I’m pretty sure he’d be okay with that. Even if I think you deserve way better, if he’s the guy you want then… go for it.”

“It’s… Yeah. I’ll think about it. Thanks.”

 

No point in telling the truth right now. Kara herself wasn’t even sure about her own feelings. She wouldn’t be able to explain them well and Alex would try too hard to be supportive and Kara simply didn’t want that at the moment. She didn’t feel like she deserved it.

 

Alex kissed the top of her head and got off the couch to grab Kara’s laptop on the table.

 

“C’m’on. Let’s see what’s new on Netflix!”

 

__

 

She felt lonely. That was perhaps the root of her problem, come to think of it. With everyone busy with their own life, the gang rarely went out for drinks together anymore. Kara hadn’t spent so many evenings alone in her apartment in a long, long time. She missed her friends.

 

After a long week, Kara flew to Metropolis to visit Clark and Lois. They welcomed her with open arms and she forgot her problems for a couple of days. She considered extending her stay but it was a call from Lena that made her change her mind.

 

“Kara,” she’d said, “can we talk?”

 

Her voice had been subdued, strained and somewhat sad. Kara bid her cousin and his fiancée goodbye and she flew back to National City as fast as she could. Barely an hour later, Lena showed up at her place.

 

__

 

“Hey. Come in.”

 

Lena smiled gratefully and stepped inside.

 

“How are you,” she asked Kara.

“Good. I’m fine. How are you?”

 

The sigh Lena let out was answer enough. Kara led her friend to the couch and they sat next to each other.

 

“What’s wrong?”

“Elle. We had our first fight.”

“Oh.”

 

Kara really didn’t want to have to listen to that, but Lena was hurting and she couldn’t let that be.

 

“What happened?”

“She… she wants me to publicly say that we’re a couple.”

“And?”

 

Lena looked at her then, an eyebrow raised.

 

“You don’t want to,” Kara guessed.

“It’s not because I’m afraid of what people will say. Everyone who’s looked into my past online knows I’m into women. I’ve just never been public with anyone before. I… well, generally the relationship would fizzle out before I had the chance to talk about it with the press.”

“What’s stopping you now though? If you’re happy with her…”

 

Even saying the words made Kara’s blood boil. Her hands gripped the couch beneath her and she squeezed, almost hard enough to tear into it.

 

“I… don’t know. I don’t know, Kara. I just don’t want to—”

“Make it official,” Kara interrupted.

“Maybe.”

“Because if you make it official, then it becomes real. I mean, more real than it is now.”

 

Lena remained silent and Kara knew she was right. Somehow, the thought made her feel a bit better and she hated herself for it. Shaking her head to get rid of the thought, Kara got up and offered Lena a hand. Her friend looked at it, surprised, but took it. Kara dragged her to the freezer and opened it. There were several pints of ice-cream and Lena chuckled.

 

“Pick your poison,” Kara said.

“Mint chocolate chips, please!”

“Of course.”

 

When Lena dug her spoon in the ice-cream so enthusiastically, Kara grinned. She’d missed that, being able to make Lena smile.

 

“You know,” Kara heard herself say, “I think Elle should accept that you’re not ready. She shouldn’t pressure you. It’s not right.”

“No, I suppose not,” Lena agreed. “But I will have to disclose our relationship to the press at some point if we’re to keep dating. She has a point.”

“Maybe. But just… don’t rush into anything, okay?”

 

Lena merely offered her a small smile and looked down, focusing on her ice-cream. For the rest of the evening, Kara let the topic rest and suggested they watch a movie together. Lena seemed relieved and accepted immediately.

 

__

 

Lena didn’t talk to the press. It had been a couple of weeks since she’d confided in Kara and nothing had changed. She was still with Elle, Kara still felt that white hot jealousy and their friendship was still a bit weird. It was Alex who finally broke the status quo.

 

One night, she barged into Kara’s apartment, slightly drunk. Her sister, alarmed, shot up from the couch and hurried to her side.

 

“Alex?!”

“Yo.”

“Yo??”

“So I drank a few beers before Maggie dropped me off. She’s working the night shift and I thought I could crash here tonight.”

“Okay…”

“I drank because I needed alcohol to be able to handle that conversation,” Alex added as she plopped herself down on the couch.

“What conversation?”

“You know, I don’t even understand why I thought your weird behavior was linked to Mon-El.”

 

Kara wasn’t sure if she was actually offended by that but she certainly pretended to be.

 

“My _weird behavior_?”

“Yeah. When you asked me if I was jealous back when I wasn’t dating Maggie yet, I thought that was about you being afraid that Mon-El would find someone else. But you were the one who broke up with him and you were the one who didn’t have _those_ feelings for him. Made no sense that you’d want to try again.”

“Alex…”

“So then I thought about it and it hit me.”

 

Alex stared right into Kara’s eyes, her expression serious.

 

“You became angrier and more closed off once Lena Luthor started dating that chick.”

“That is not—”

“Don’t you lie to me, Kara Danvers. I _know_ you.”

 

She did and Kara knew there was no way she could escape that painful conversation. She sighed deeply and sat next to her sister, defeated.

 

“Tell me,” Alex pushed, softly this time.

“There’s not much to tell, really. I sort of hate that Lena is dating someone.”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure. Uh… it takes away from our time together? As friends?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“I don’t know,” Kara exclaimed, throwing her hands up in frustration.

 

Alex looked at her, unimpressed. Her arms crossed, she waited until Kara spoke again.

 

“I don’t like her girlfriend because I don’t think she’s good enough for Lena.”

“How many conversations have you had with her?”

 

Kara’s silence was telling.

 

“Seriously? None?”

 

At least the younger Danvers had the decency to look sheepish. Alex was quiet for a long time after that. In fact, the silence stretched for so long that Kara poked her in the ribs in an attempt to check if she was still awake. Alex swatted her hand away.

 

“You’re jealous of the girlfriend,” she stated. “You are into Lena Luthor, aren’t you?”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Alex!”

“Kara.”

 

A staring contest began, and as super as Kara was, she had rarely won one of them when Alex was so dead set on getting to the truth. It was pointless to even try the puppy eyes.

 

“Fine, yes, I am,” Kara conceded.

“Fuck, Kara…”

“Don’t blame me. Blame Lena. She’s, like, perfect.”

“Ugh oh my God you are _so_ whipped. How did I _miss that_?”

“Too busy making out with your own girlfriend,” Kara muttered.

 

Alex put her whole hand on Kara’s face and pushed on it playfully.

 

“Seriously though, you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I mean it, Kara.”

“I know. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to acknowledge any of it. But… I guess it isn’t horrible that you know.”

“I’m your sister, Kara. I’m going to help you get through this and move on.”

“How do you move on from something you never even had in the first place?”

 

Her sister didn’t have an answer for that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still not done writing this story so the next part might take a while to come. Sorry about that! But hey, 3 weeks hiatus is good, it'll give me the time to write. 
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think of this!

Kara stumbled upon Elle by accident the next day as she was waiting in line for her coffee at Noonan’s. After paying for it, she turned back to leave and found herself staring into Lena’s girlfriend’s hazel eyes.

 

“Kara,” Elle exclaimed.

 

The reporter was surprised she even remembered her name. She put on her best fake smile and shook the outstretched hand before her.

 

“Elle, hi. Fancy meeting you here!”

“Oh Noonan’s an old favorite of mine,” the woman explained with a small, dismissive wave.

“Right. Well, uh, I was on my way out. Work.”

“Of course. Oh, Kara, before I forget!”

 

Kara, already half gone, turned back to look at her.

 

“Lena speaks very highly of you. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to get drinks one of these nights? So that we can get to know each other.”

 

There was an awkward beat before Kara was able to speak.

 

“Sure. Yeah. Uh, text me. Whenever.”

“Great! I look forward to it.”

 

Elle’s smile was genuine; Kara could tell. It made her feel guilty. She waved at Elle and left the place in a hurry. Hopefully, Elle wouldn’t even remember to ask Lena for her number. Or she’d see right through Kara’s fake politeness and wouldn’t bother. Maybe she’d sensed the hostility Kara could barely manage to contain and she wouldn’t try to reach out.

 

__

 

The text came before the day was even over. Kara’s head hit her desk and she groaned. Of course Elle’s grammar and spelling would be on point. It was a short text asking her if next Friday would work for her, at nine, with the address of a bar Kara had never even heard of. Lena would join them after she was done with her work. Kara texted back to ask if she could bring someone as well. Part of her hoped Elle would refuse and then she’d decline the invitation under the pretense of not wanting to infringe on Elle’s time with her girlfriend. No such luck. Because of course Lena’s partner would be kind and accommodating. _Bring anyone you want_ , the text said. Kara had half a mind to invite all of her friends.

 

__

 

Kara went alone. She knew it was a mistake but she couldn’t picture herself asking any of her friends to come with her. If things got too bad she’d pretext an emergency and would take off. Hell, there was a chance it would happen anyway because she was Supergirl and there was no telling when idiots of all kinds wanted to cause mayhem.

 

She arrived fashionably late and spotted Elle sitting at a table in a corner, on her own. Lena wasn’t there yet and Kara was relieved. Elle waved at her and in ten long strides, Kara was at her side. The first minutes were so awkward that Kara almost used her excuse right there and then, but their drinks were brought quickly and the atmosphere grew more pleasant after that. They discussed Kara’s work for the most part, and when Elle enquired if Kara was dating anyone, she was tempted to lie.

 

Lena chose that moment to show up and Kara’s whole face lit up at the sight of her. She was wearing a black pencil skirt and a crimson red blouse that matched the color of her lipstick. Kara looked away when Elle stood up to greet her with a kiss on the lips.

 

“Kara,” Lena exclaimed, commanding her attention.

“Hey,” Kara replied with a small smile.

 

She watched as Lena slipped next to Elle on the other side of the table, watched as they held hands on the table. This was going to be a long night.

 

__

 

Lena followed her out.

 

After almost two hours, Kara had used her emergency excuse, had pretended to receive a text from her sister who wasn’t feeling well and she had thanked both Elle and Lena for the lovely evening and had bid them goodnight. But Lena, apparently, wasn’t ready to let her leave just yet.

 

“Kara,” she called.

 

Kara froze on the sidewalk and turned to face Lena who was still closing the distance between them.

 

“Are you okay,” Lena asked her when she stopped in front of her.

“Yeah, I’m great. It’s just—Alex is sick so I really should go.”

 

She knew Lena didn’t believe her. She could see it on her face.

 

“Did I do or say something wrong?”

 

Lena seemed determined to have that conversation now, clearly not buying Kara’s excuse. Kara gestured lamely at the bar behind them.

 

“Elle’s waiting for you and I have to go, Lena. Nothing’s wrong. We can talk later.”

“We will,” Lena said forcefully.

 

Kara gulped, nodded and made a move to leave but Lena’s hand shot out and stopped her once again.

 

“There is something you’re not telling me, Kara. I can tell that it’s bothering you. I care too much about you to let this go, okay? I’ll call you.”

 

__

 

Lena’s idea of a call was to stop by her apartment the very next day, unannounced. Kara almost startled when she opened the door to find the brunette behind it. She had expected Alex or maybe James or Winn, but definitely not Lena.

 

“Uh, hi?”

“Can I come in?”

“Yes, of course.”

 

Kara didn’t even have time to close the door before Lena launched herself into a tirade.

 

“I’m sorry if you’ve been feeling left out lately. I’ve been selfish and I should have noticed that you were distancing yourself. But I’m your friend, Kara! You should have told me that I wasn’t being good to you!”

“Wh—what? Lena, slow down, what is this even about?”

“I couldn’t really place it before, you know? Why you’ve been different lately. But it’s because I’ve had less time for you what with my job and now Elle. I’ve been a terrible friend and I want to make up for that.”

 

There were many things Kara could have said. She could have easily protested, waved off Lena’s concern and tell her everything was fine. She didn’t. Instead, she looked down and shrugged.

 

“It’s okay, Lena. I get that things are different now because you have a girlfriend. I don’t hold that against you.”

“But it shouldn’t come at the expense of our friendship. You’ve been so good to me, Kara. Standing up for me when no one else would. And I’ve been so swept up in my relationship with Elle that I pushed you away without even realizing it. I’m so sorry.”

“Please don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

 

Lena smiled at her then, relieved, and Kara felt the guilt permeate her body. The feeling worsened when Lena threw her arms around Kara and hugged her.

 

“Well, I’m going to make more time for you, Kara. Come to think of it, what are you doing next Friday? It’s been a while since we’ve been dancing at the club. And we could do lunch on Tuesday?”

“Well, uh, I—I don’t really know. It depends on my boss and if he sends me out there for an interview. I’ll, uh, I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

“Of course. I’m glad we could talk. I… I’ve missed you.”

 

Kara wondered what the probabilities were for her to get struck by lightning so that she wouldn’t have to endure another minute of this conversation. She had never felt that way with James and Lucy before. It had been entirely different. But she hadn’t known Lena Luthor back then.

 

“I’ve missed you too,” Kara heard herself say.

“Let me know about Tuesday. Is Friday at the club okay?”

“Yes, definitely. Just you and me then?”

“Just you and me,” Lena confirmed.

 

Kara had a feeling this was a terrible idea.

 

__

 

The club was packed. Not that Kara had expected differently—it was, after all, one of the best in National City—but it made her even more nervous. She’d come here with Lena before and people were _very_ friendly. But back then she hadn’t known about her feelings for Lena. Things were different now. If Kara was jealous of Elle for dating Lena, how jealous would she be of _strangers_ putting their hands on her on the dancefloor?

 

Kara didn’t think of herself as insecure, no. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that she wanted to be able—to be allowed—to touch Lena freely but it wasn’t something she could do as a friend. Well, except at the club. Lena dancing was a sight to behold. She was great at it, hips undulating and hypnotizing. And Lena definitely didn’t mind being touched while she danced. Kara had witnessed countless people’s hands on her waist or around her shoulders. Her own fingers had dug into the flesh of Lena’s hips on a few occasions.

 

“Kara?”

 

Lena’s voice startled her and Kara turned to find herself face to face with her friend.

 

“Lena, hi!”

 

Of course Lena looked dazzling. Kara hadn’t expected any different. She swallowed hard and did her best to not look her up and down. Lena kissed her cheek once and then waved the bartender over. Even though there were plenty of other people waiting at the bar, he immediately came to them.

 

“What will it be tonight ladies?”

“Two Fireballs, please,” Lena ordered. “I need to get in the mood,” she added for Kara’s benefit.

 

Kara’s hand instinctively went to the small black purse she carried. Inside were her ID and a tiny flask of alien alcohol Mon-El had gifted her months ago. She’d need that to get through the night.

 

__

 

Inebriated Lena was a secret favorite of Kara’s. It was as if the woman became someone else. Someone carefree and happy. Someone who hadn’t been through so many hardships. Someone her age. That Lena loved dancing and Kara loved to watch her dance. Kara sat on a stool at their small, round table and kept her eyes on her friend as Lena let loose on the dancefloor. She was thankful for her x-ray vision which allowed her to keep sight of Lena because there was a crowd tonight. With Lena away, Kara could take out her flask and empty its content in her second cocktail. She downed it at once, and waited for the alcohol to take effect. She felt herself become light-headed barely a few minutes later and she knew Mon-El had given her good stuff. He’d been a crappy boyfriend but Kara could easily admit he made one hell of a bartender.

 

Just as Kara was about to get up, Lena joined her at the table and took a sip of her own drink. Kara watched in fascination as she closed her eyes and winced when the alcohol burned her throat. Then, Lena cracked an eye open and laughed.

 

“Come on, Kara! You’re not having fun!”

“I am!”

“Then dance with me,” Lena pled as she tugged on Kara’s arm.

“Alright, alright, jeez!”

 

Lena’s smile widened when Kara got to her feet, swayed lightly and held onto the table.

 

“Wow.”

“Lightweight,” Lena teased.

“Shut up.”

 

__

 

When Lena grabbed her hand as they made their way to the dancefloor, Kara figured it was so that they wouldn’t lose each other in the crowd. But Lena didn’t let go. She pulled Kara flush against her and lifted their joined hands up above their heads and started moving to the rapid beat of the music. Kara could only follow her lead.

 

They danced like that for two songs and Kara felt euphoric. This was what she wanted. Lena close to her and having fun, paying no attention to anyone else. She knew that Lena was doing that on purpose because the CEO believed she had neglected her friend. Normally, Lena would dance with anyone willing to approach her. In the darkness of the club, no one had ever recognized the Luthor. But tonight Lena only had eyes for Kara and Kara was infinitely grateful for that.

 

__

 

The door banged against the wall when Lena opened it too forcefully as she stumbled into her loft, followed by a giggling Kara.

 

“Shh,” Lena intimated.

“Shh,” Kara retorted.

 

They kicked off their heels by the door and Kara watched as Lena headed straight for the couch and let herself fall face first onto it. A muffled groan erupted from the couch and Kara approached it, swaying lightly.

 

“Lena,” she said, “you can’t breathe like that.”

 

An unintelligible response came out from Lena and Kara laughed again before helping her up.

 

“Come on, let’s get you out of that dress.”

“Why miss Danvers, are you propro—propositioning me,” Lena slurred.

 

Kara was too drunk to pass up the opportunity to flirt.

 

“Nah I would probably just rip it off of you.”

“Oooh that’s hot,” Lena declared as she walked past Kara and into her bedroom.

 

After five minutes of looking around Lena’s loft and trying to clear her head, Kara followed her to the bedroom. Lena was just finished putting on a comfortable sweatshirt—her face devoid of make-up—and she pointed at a pile of clothes on the bed.

 

“These are for you.”

“What? Why?”

“Because you’re drunk and it’s late so you’re sleeping with me tonight.”

“Why miss Luthor, are you propositioning me,” Kara said cheekily.

“Oh I’m way too hammered for that, Kara. I don’t think I’d be any good at it.”

 

It was meant as a joke—Kara knew that—but it still made her heart jump in her chest and she stood, dumbstruck, as Lena slipped under the covers of her bed.

 

“Just put these on and come to bed,” Lena whined.

 

Kara complied on autopilot. She stripped, uncaring that it was basically in front of Lena, and put on the sweatpants and t-shirt her friend had lent her for the night. When she joined her on the bed, Lena was already half-asleep and it fell on Kara to switch off the lights. In the darkness of the room, Kara breathed in and out, slowly, hoping that everything would stop spinning and that she would fall asleep soon. She said nothing when, a few minutes later, Lena turned in her sleep to come snuggle against Kara.

 

__

 

Kara woke up to the sound of a door slamming shut. The room was still in the dark but she could see a bit of sunlight coming through the thick curtains. It took her a few seconds to remember where she was. Her head was throbbing and she groaned. When she tried to raise a hand to her temple, she realized she couldn’t and looked down. Lying half on top of her was one very much asleep Lena Luthor.

 

There was no time to enjoy the feeling of her body in Kara’s arms as the door to the bedroom opened, the light switched on and in the doorway appeared a very puzzled Elle. Kara watched, frozen, as Elle’s eyes took in the scene before her. She was still befuddled because of her hangover—she would have to ask Mon-El to give her something lighter next time—and her brain was too sluggish to come up with a coherent sentence, but Kara knew she had to try. Especially since Lena had just tightened her hold on Kara and clearly Elle had noticed. The woman seemed unhappy though not angry. To Kara, she looked oddly defeated.

 

“Elle, hi. Uh, this is… this is not what it looks like. Well I mean, I guess it depends what you think it looks like.”

“Kara. I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Of course not. Why would I be in Lena’s bedroom? Ha! Look, uh, we got drunk at the club last night and then Lena wouldn’t let me go home because she probably thought I’d get mugged or something so I slept here.”

“In bed with her.”

“Yeah.”

“Because the couch isn’t comfortable enough.”

 

Elle’s face was unreadable and Kara internally cursed that those fancy rich people had such great poker faces. But then Elle grinned at her, her posture relaxed and she leaned against the doorframe.

 

“I’m just teasing, Kara. Lena was supposed to meet me for lunch but she didn’t show up so I got worried.”

“Wait, lunch? What time is it?”

“Almost one. What time did you two get back?”

“I don’t—I don’t remember but it was close to five.”

 

Lena whined. The hand she had around Kara’s waist flew up to her face and felt around until it found Kara’s mouth and pressed on it.

 

“Shh my head,” she groaned.

 

Kara met Elle’s amused glance. Hangover Lena was apparently new to her, too.

 

“I’ll go make lunch,” Elle told Kara. “You wake her up. Have fun.”

 

It was said in jest but Kara had a feeling Elle knew something she didn’t. As she found out only a minute later, Lena was grumpy as hell when she didn’t wake up of her own accord.

 

__

 

Lunch was awkward, to say the least. Lena wouldn’t meet her eyes and Elle tried hard to make conversation but Kara’s replies were half-hearted at best. All she wanted was to take a hot shower and sleep for the rest of the day. Kara excused herself as soon as their plates were clean. When she declared she had to go, Lena got up from her chair and accompanied her to the door.

 

“So, that was fun,” the brunette said with a small smile.

“Aside from the hangover, definitely,” Kara agreed.

“I’m glad we could spend some time together. It had been a while.”

“Yeah.”

“Call me sometime this week?”

“I will. I need to return your clothes anyway.”

 

Lena had told her to keep them so that she could go home in something that wouldn’t make her look like she was doing the walk of shame. They hugged briefly and Kara, purse and a bag containing her dress in each hand, left Lena with her girlfriend.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! The hiatus has had me focused on other things so writing that little story took a backseat. Next chapter isn't written yet but I'll do my best to update before 2x18 airs.
> 
> In the meantime, I appreciate reading your feedback so don't be shy.

Everything went to shit barely a week later. Kara was once again waiting for her coffee to-go at Noonan’s when she met Elle who was there for the same reason. They made small talk and Elle offered to walk with Kara until she reached CatCo. Kara had no reason to refuse and, ever polite, she thanked Elle and they left the coffee shop together. At first, everything was fine. Elle was telling Kara about her upcoming trip to Italy when it happened.

 

Kara heard the commotion before she could understand what was going on. Then she saw them. Two men, running out of a bank with a bag that undoubtedly contained a lot of money. In their hands, guns. Elle and Kara were blocking their way to the black van that pulled up behind them and Kara knew something bad was about to happen. She saw one of the men raise his arm and aim it at Elle. The world slowed down and stopped spinning. Kara knew there was no time for a warning. She knew the bullet would leave the gun before the words left her mouth. There was only one option.

 

She jumped in front of Elle a fraction of second before the man pulled the trigger. Her arms wrapped protectively around Lena’s girlfriend and Kara shielded her with her body. She barely felt the bullet bouncing off her back and hoped that it wouldn’t hit anyone else. The men jumped into the van, paying no attention to them and the vehicle sped off, tires screeching on the asphalt. Kara watched it go, itching to fly after it but knowing it would have to wait. She did a quick check-up on Elle’s body to see if she wasn’t hurt but the woman was fine.

 

When Kara met her gaze, though, that was another story. Elle was looking at her with recognition in her eyes.

 

“You’re her,” Elle whispered in awe.

“Are you alright,” Kara asked, choosing to ignore Elle’s statement.

 

Elle nodded feebly and they stood up. Kara looked around them and saw that no one was around. People had probably taken cover when they’d heard the gunshot. In the distance, they heard the sirens of the police cars coming their way.

 

“Come on,” Kara said, “let’s get out of here.”

 

She didn’t want to have to explain the bullet hole in her shirt to the police. Elle followed her numbly, still in shock and Kara practically dragged her to the nearest empty alley. There, she let Elle lean her back against the wall and waited for her to speak first.

 

“You’re her,” Elle repeated after a few seconds of heavy silence.

“You can’t tell anyone,” Kara confirmed quietly, hands on her hips.

“Does Lena know?”

 

Kara shook her head no. Despite being Lena’s best friend, Kara had never told her about her secret identity. It had never been a necessity and Alex had made her promise to not reveal herself to anyone unless absolutely necessary. Today definitely qualified as such, but Kara felt dread creep unto her as the realization of what had just happened finally hit her full force. She had had to protect Elle, of course. But in the process she’d outed herself as National City’s superhero and she prayed that no camera on the streets, and no witness, had caught them on that sidewalk. Alex was going to kill her.

 

“You can’t tell her,” Kara said.

“You expect me to keep this from her? So, what, I can’t even tell her I almost got shot today?”

“Please. I need to tell her on my terms. And you… I’ll need to bring you a NDA.”

“Woah. Seriously?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Elle. For putting you in that position. But I can’t have just anyone know who I am.”

 

Elle stared at her for a while, no doubt still processing everything. Kara stood her ground, unflinching under the scrutiny.

 

“Fine, Kara. I won’t tell her, or anyone else for that matter. Bring me that NDA before Saturday because I’m away for a couple of weeks after that.”

“Thank you. I will. How about you meet me at Noonan’s tomorrow morning?”

 

When Elle looked down at the ground and instinctively crossed her arms, Kara stepped forward.

 

“Hey. What happened today… I understand if you don’t feel safe out here for a while. I can drop by Lena’s place while she’s out if you’d prefer.”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay. Come on now, I’ll hail a cab for you.”

“Aren’t you going to be late for work?”

“The boss is a friend of mine. He won’t mind.”

 

__

 

The rest of the day was a torture for Kara. She couldn’t concentrate on the two articles she had to write and her mind was stuck on the events of the morning. When she looked up at the clock and saw it was only half past three in the afternoon, she sighed and dialed James’ number. He picked up after two rings and Kara promptly asked him for the rest of the day off, saying she’d explain later. James, ever agreeable, granted her her request. Minutes later, Kara was flying high in the sky, eager to leave the city behind and find somewhere to settle and think for a while.

 

__

 

She dodged Lena’s texts that night. Kara had stopped by the DEO earlier to tell J’onn and Alex what had happened. She asked them for a NDA and Alex went off in search of one while Winn let her know the robbers had been apprehended.

 

The next day, Kara dropped by Lena’s apartment when Elle told her the CEO was on her way to work. The atmosphere was awkward; Elle watching her with different eyes now that she knew. Kara hated that. She hated that Elle knew while Lena still didn’t. She wished she could just tell her best friend. To her credit, Elle didn’t ask her many questions and she promised to keep Kara’s secret from Lena. For that, Kara was grateful.

 

__

 

When the doorbell rang just before dinner on Saturday, Kara frowned. She wasn’t expecting anyone and her plate was already waiting for her on the table. Nonetheless, she walked over to the door and opened it quickly. To her surprise, it was Lena standing on the other side of it, a paper bag in her arms.

 

“Lena?”

“Hi. Sorry for dropping in unannounced. Can I, uh, can I come in? Or is this a bad time?”

“No, not at all, come in!”

“I wasn’t sure you’d eaten yet—”

 

Lena trailed off when her eyes spotted the plate on the table. Kara followed her line of sight.

 

“I was just about to start, actually. What did you bring?”

“Chinese take-out and a bottle of wine.”

“Sounds great. Join me?”

 

Lena smiled gratefully and while she took out the contents of her paper bag, Kara grabbed two wine glasses. They sat opposite each other at the table. Kara waited for Lena to uncork the bottle and pour them some wine before she dug her fork into her lasagna.

 

“So, how’s Elle,” she asked, feigning ignorance.

“She left today actually; she’s going to Italy for a little while.”

“Work?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, you’re welcome to hang out here any time then. I wouldn’t want my best friend to be bored without her—her girlfriend.”

“Oh I’m your best friend,” Lena asked in feigned surprise.

“No, actually. I was just trying to be nice,” Kara replied, matter-of-factly.

 

That made Lena laugh and Kara couldn’t stop the grin that appeared on her face. In the dim light of the apartment, Lena’s pale skin glowed and Kara was once again mesmerized by how beautiful she was. When Lena’s laugh subsided, she noticed that Kara was watching her and looked down, blushing. Kara heard her heartbeat quicken slightly and it startled her out of her trance.

 

“So, uh, anything new at L-Corp? What’re you working on now,” Kara asked to change the subject.

“I can’t tell you that, Miss Danvers. It’s top secret.”

“Now I’m intrigued!”

 

It took Kara a few more attempts to get any information out of Lena and by the time the CEO told her about the new project of the company, they were done with dinner.

 

“Hey do you want to stay over,” Kara asked her. “We could watch a movie.”

“Oh, I wish I could stay but I have a conference call with investors early tomorrow and all my notes are at home. I should head back soon.”

 

Kara tried not to let her disappointment show but she must have failed miserably because Lena patted her hand and spoke again.

 

“How about we get out sometime during the week? Tuesday? I don’t have any meetings scheduled Wednesday morning so I could afford to go in a little later.”

“That sounds like a plan,” Kara agreed.

 

After another half hour, Kara walked Lena to the door and they hugged briefly. She made her friend promise to text her as soon as she arrived home safely, and sighed deeply once the door was shut and she was, once again, alone in her apartment.

 

__

 

Jealousy. Kara had grown accustomed to it, waking up with it, living with it, having it permeate her dreams, too. Dreams in which Kara got to witness Lena happy with someone else. Sometimes, when her subconscious was kind enough, she was the one with Lena. Despite these being pleasant dreams, Kara hated them. They made waking up all the more difficult; the cruelty of being ripped from happiness something she couldn’t get used to.

 

As she lay in her bed that Tuesday morning, Kara thought of Elle. She hated the fact that she _liked_ Elle. She hated that she hated that fact. Elle was nice. Elle was good to Lena and she was friendly enough with Kara and she was smart. And yet Kara couldn’t help wanting her out of the picture. Her feelings were getting out of control and she had no idea how to stop that. She considered canceling on Lena that night, but quickly realized that she couldn’t, because it would hurt Lena even though she’d claim the contrary.

 

Kara sighed and buried her face in one of her pillows. This whole thing was a nightmare.

 

__

 

A drink was never just one drink with Lena. When Kara had asked her where she’d grown such a high tolerance for alcohol, Lena had smirked and had mentioned spending many Saturday nights out in European clubs. The thought of a younger Lena out-drinking everyone still made Kara smile fondly. Tuesday night was no different. Lena ordered for the both of them, as usual, and Kara waited for the inevitable bathroom break to take a few sips of her own flask, hidden in her purse.

 

They talked for hours, about work and politics and art. Kara loved these conversations. Lena was passionate about everything and it showed in the way her hands moved and her eyes sparkled. Kara was so enraptured that she almost missed her phone ringing in her purse. When she realized someone was calling her, Kara muttered an apology and took the call as Lena waved off her apology with a smile.

 

As soon as Kara greeted her sister, she frowned. Something was wrong. Alex sounded panicked and out of breath. Over the background noise, she yelled at Kara to get to the NCPD as quickly as she could. Kara hung up and shot up from her seat, almost sending her drink flying off the table. Lena’s eyes looked at her quizzically and she stabilized the table with her hands. Kara shoved her phone back into her purse and ran a hand through her hair.

 

“Lena, I’m sorry, I need to go.”

 

Immediately, her friend stood up as well and stepped around the table to stand beside Kara.

 

“Is everything okay? You look a bit frantic.”

“It’s Alex, she, uh, had a fight. A huge fight with Maggie. She’s very upset. I need to go.”

“Oh, of course! Call me when you can, okay?”

“Yeah, okay!”

 

Without thinking, Kara kissed Lena’s cheek and hurried out of the bar, leaving a stunned Luthor behind her.

 

__

 

The NCPD had been under attack from a gang of aliens and humans alike for fifteen minutes when Supergirl landed next to Alex, outside of the building. With the help of other DEO agents and the police officers stuck inside, they managed to outnumber the criminals and subdue them. Kara was glad she wasn’t drunk because fighting the aliens would have been a much harder task. She still received a few punches that left her reeling but the fight ended quickly once she arrived on the scene.

 

After making sure that Alex, Maggie and everyone else were all right, Kara declined accompanying them to the DEO and flew home. She needed a shower and a good night of deep sleep.

 

__

 

After taking a shower and eating her weight in pasta, Kara brushed her teeth and slipped beneath the covers of her bed. She grabbed her cellphone on the nightstand and sent a short text to Lena.

 

_“Hope you made it home okay.”_

 

Lena’s reply was immediate.

 

_“I did. Is Alex okay?”_

_“Yeah she’ll be fine. Things will work out.”_

_“I’m glad. Good night Kara. I’ll call you tomorrow. Let’s go to the club this weekend?”_

_“Sure. Night, Lena.”_

 

Kara fell asleep soon after that, hoping that she would dream of Lena.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I'd update before 2x18 aired, so here I am. Next chapter will take a while to come because I'm hoping to conclude this story with it so it'll be a longer chapter. Bear with me please!
> 
> Also, please read notes at the end as well.

The evening started out great; with Lena coming over to get ready with Kara. They shared a cab and hastily made their way into the club to avoid curious glances should Lena be recognized by the club-goers waiting outside. The music loud and the place crowded; both women tacitly agreed to get a bottle at the bar and head over to the VIP section where Lena had a booth reserved for her.

 

Kara had completely forgotten to ask Mon-El for lighter alcohol so she had to remind herself not to drink too fast. Lena, on the other hand, had no reason to hold back and she had drunk half the bottle by the time Kara finished her first glass. Naturally, after the first bottle, Lena got up and dragged Kara with her on the dancefloor. Kara had expected it and she’d thought she was ready. She’d been wrong.

 

Lena’s tight leather skirt was a torture in itself, but Kara thought the way it rubbed against the zipper of her jeans as Lena pressed against her was downright sinful. Her hands found Lena’s hips and held her right where she was, moving in sync with the music. Kara was afraid she might combust.

 

Then a very familiar song came on and Lena turned in her arms, laughing. It was their song, a sort of tribute to the first time they’d gone to the club together and danced with each other. The whole club started jumping up and down, and they joined in, hands linked above their heads.

 

Their eyes met and neither looked away. Kara knew that staring into Lena’s eyes—a beautiful green darkened by the lack of light in the club—was a dumb thing to do. But something in the way Lena looked at her kept her in place, prevented her from looking away. One of Lena’s arms snaked around Kara’s neck and brought them closer together.

 

_Don’t care what they say; it hurts so good_

_I don’t wanna stop; I know I should_

_But let’s do it again_

 

The part of her brain that wasn’t entirely fried by Lena’s closeness found it funny that the lyrics of their song could describe her current state of mind. Kara tugged Lena even closer; her own arm now around her friend’s waist.

 

_We should not be friends_

_We’ll just do it again_

_If you stay around_

_We’ll just do it again_

 

Lena’s thigh slipped between Kara’s legs and Kara felt the last of her self-control slip away. The sensation was oddly familiar, like letting go of all inhibitions, like being on red kryptonite. Kara didn’t care. Her eyes flickered down at Lena’s lips and then up, just in time to notice that Lena’s gaze had dropped, too. She acted on an impulse. The hand that was still holding Lena’s above their heads came to rest on the back of Lena’s neck. Lena didn’t resist; curiosity and something Kara couldn’t identify in her gaze. And then it happened.

 

Kara kissed her.

 

__

 

In hindsight, Kara would say that her inability to refuse Lena anything was always going to be her downfall. She’d never really paused to acknowledge how whipped she was, and how dangerous that could be when the person you loved didn’t actually know the power they yielded over you. When Lena had suggested the club again, Kara had agreed almost instantly and perhaps thinking twice about it would have prevented the terrible situation she found herself in now.

 

The part of her brain that wasn’t intoxicated—whether by the alcohol or by Lena, Kara wasn’t sure—was screaming at her to stop this, to break the kiss, to step away and maybe even to move to another country. But the pull of her feelings for Lena was too strong, and the feeling of Lena’s body _in her arms_ … Kara couldn’t describe it. She just knew she never wanted it to end.

 

Besides, it wasn’t like the kiss was one-sided. Lena was very much into it if the way her fingers now grabbed at Kara’s hair were any indication. Kara deepened the kiss and Lena smiled against her mouth. Their embrace lasted long seconds during which the world faded away, and Kara’s eyes were closed when Lena stepped back. She opened them quickly, wanting to chase after her, but Lena now had her back turned on Kara and was dancing with someone else already.

 

It hit Kara then. Their song was over, and Lena—an inebriated Lena—had probably thought the kiss was just a little game between them, a show for the others in the club. _A joke_.

 

Her heart tightened and Kara stood there, in the middle of the dancefloor, unable to move. People bumped into her but she barely felt them. Her eyes were fixed on Lena, watching her as she danced, unaware of Kara’s inner turmoil.

 

She took a step back, then another, before turning around and going back to their private booth. She needed air, away from here. She needed… to fly away for a bit, clear her mind. Lena joined her before Kara could bolt.

 

“Hey! Done dancing already,” Lena asked as she grabbed Kara’s elbow to steady herself.

 

Kara forced a smile.

 

“Yeah actually I should go home.”

“What? Why?”

 

Lena looked confused, and she stepped closer to Kara to get a better look at her face.

 

“Is something wrong? I thought we were having fun!”

“Yeah I just… remembered I have an article to write for Monday,” Kara lied, trying hard to not let her eyes meet Lena’s.

“Oh.”

 

It was clear that Lena wasn’t buying her excuse. She stepped back and reached for her purse. Kara watched her silently.

 

“Then I’m going as well,” Lena declared.

“You don’t have to, you should stay!”

“I’m not staying here without you, Kara. It’s no fun. Let’s go.”

 

Kara sighed as Lena walked past her and headed for the exit. Once outside, she breathed in deeply and followed Lena who was already hailing a cab. The ride to Kara’s was silent and awkward. Lena seemed frustrated and angry; and Kara felt guilty and heartbroken. When the taxi pulled up in front of her building, Lena handed the driver some cash before Kara could reach into her pocket for her bill. Soon after, they found themselves in Kara’s apartment.

 

Lena immediately turned to face Kara who had barely closed the door.

 

“What happened? One moment we’re having fun and the next you look ready to flee to Mexico.”

“Wha—Mexico? I—no. I didn’t.”

“Kara.”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” Kara confessed quietly, eyes downcast.

“That’s what you’re upset about?”

 

Lena sounded surprised and Kara frowned.

 

“Well, you do have a girlfriend, so…”

“Oh Kara, there’s no reason to be upset over a drunken kiss between two friends who are dancing in a club! People do that all the time; it’s a _thing_ nowadays. Friends kiss each other and then forget about it because it’s _meaningless_.”

 

Kara’s fists clenched at her sides but Lena’s back was already turned and she was walking away from her with a laugh, as if to affectionately mock Kara’s silliness. Kara stood rooted in her spot by the door. When Lena came back a couple of minutes later, in the clothes she’d been wearing before changing to go to the club, Kara still hadn’t  moved an inch. Lena stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed.

 

“Kara?” she asked cautiously, worry in her tone. “Darling are you okay?”

 

There were many things Kara wished she could have said in that moment, but none seemed good enough to explain her jumbled thoughts. Lena was a genius, she would figure it out. Kara knew she would. So she simply waited; her gaze stubbornly refusing to meet Lena’s who had now stepped closer.

 

“You’re still upset,” Lena stated. “I don’t… I don’t understand, Kara.”

 

A pause. Then:

 

“Did that kiss mean something else to you?”

 

Her tone had changed, but it was so carefully controlled that Kara couldn’t even tell what emotions were hiding behind it. Shyly, hesitantly, she nodded. She heard the shaky breath Lena took. Kara needed Lena to be brave now, to be the one to lead the conversation because _apparently_ they were going to have it right this instant. She waited for Lena to ask her the question she knew was coming. After a long, tense silence, Lena spoke again.

 

“Kara… Do you have feelings for me?”

 

This time, Kara raised her head to meet her gaze.

 

“I think so,” she answered truthfully. “I’ve never really… felt that for anyone before.”

“Kara…”

“Can’t we just blame that kiss on the alcohol and pretend this never happened? I’m feeling… God I’m feeling so _stupid_ right now.”

“We are not burying this,” Lena refused. “We need to talk it out or it’ll ruin our friendship and I am _not_ losing you.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it—”

“Since when,” Lena interrupted, not giving Kara a chance to back away from the conversation.

“I don’t know exactly. A while.”

 

Kara finally found enough strength to move away from the door. She walked past Lena and plopped herself down on her couch, face buried in her hands. A few seconds later, she felt Lena sit beside her, at a careful distance.

 

“A while,” Lena repeated.

 

She was connecting the dots; Kara could tell.

 

“All those times… When I thought you were feeling left out because I had someone and you were single. I thought you thought I was neglecting you… But that wasn’t it, was it?”

 

Her words were met with a guilty silence.

 

“You’re not jealous that I have someone,” Lena said as realization dawned on her.

 

Kara wanted the ground to swallow her whole.

 

“You’re jealous… that you’re not that someone.”

 

Was there a point in denying the truth? Lena wasn’t stupid. She knew. They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity. Kara’s eyes were now firmly looking at the ground, unable to hold Lena’s gaze. Kara was sure she’d read the betrayal on Lena’s face and she couldn’t bear the thought of it.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

 

There wasn’t really anything else she could say. Lena got up and Kara felt a flash of pain run through her at the mere gesture. She could feel Lena’s eyes on her, the intensity of her stare making Kara’s skin burn. Kara expected Lena to leave, to yell at her, to do anything but simply stand here, silently towering over her. Yet Lena stayed, processing Kara’s confession, probably flashing through the last few months in her mind and wondering how she’d missed it, missed Kara’s crush on her and her jealousy of Elle. Elle. The thought of Lena’s girlfriend across the world made Kara’s stomach churn with guilt and disgust for herself.

 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered again.

“You were with Mike,” Lena cut her off. “You were with him and before that you were with James, and you told me about Adam. Kara, you never mentioned being into women. _You were with Mike_.”

 

Lena’s tone was harsh and cold. Kara swallowed the lump in her throat and finally looked up to see green eyes shiny with unshed tears staring at her.

 

“And now that I have someone, someone who _loves me_ … God, do you know how rare that is, Kara? To find someone who’s willing to give me a chance, to see past my name?”

“I never saw you as a Luthor,” Kara protested immediately, “and it’s not like I asked to fall for you! You’re just… _you_. And I really l—like that person.”

 

Hands on her hips, Lena watched as Kara got up and stepped closer. The distance between them was minimal and Kara noticed how Lena struggled to not take a step back, but the CEO stood her ground. Kara knew this was the businesswoman in front of her, not much left of her friend with whom she’d been dancing barely an hour ago.

 

“Don’t hate me, Lena, not for this,” Kara implored.

“I don’t hate you. I’m frustrated,” Lena stated. “You should have told me sooner.”

“I couldn’t. I thought it would go away with time,” the Kryptonian offered meekly.

“Feelings don’t just go away, Kara.”

 

There was a certain sadness in Lena’s tone now, a wistfulness that she wasn’t even trying to conceal. Kara wondered what had brought it on. Perhaps Lena was speaking from experience, but if that was the case, she’d never mentioned it to Kara before.

 

“I didn’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position,” Kara explained. “But it looks like I did anyway and I’m so sorry for that, Lena. You weren’t supposed to find out and I definitely wasn’t supposed to kiss you.”

“You were with Mike,” Lena repeated in a soft murmur that Kara only heard because of her power.

“What does Mike have to do with anything,” she asked, confused.

 

Fear flashed on Lena’s face, a mere fraction of a second, but Kara caught it. Lena crossed her arms protectively and turned away from Kara who stepped closer.

 

“Lena,” she pressed.

“You were with Mike, and before that with James, and I thought you were straight.”

 

Lena’s voice was low and trembling. Kara wanted to reach out, to comfort her, but she couldn’t do that, and she felt that something was about to happen.

 

“I thought you were straight and that I’d never have a chance with you,” Lena continued. “That my crush was one-sided and that I should move on. Which I did, because then Elle came back into my life and made it easy for me. She’s charming, intelligent, and funny and she loves me. She’s everything I could hope for in a partner and I’m grateful for her. I thought she’d make me get over you and now you’ve ruined everything, Kara.”

 

The words were ringing in Kara’s ears and she felt faint. Had Lena just confessed to having feelings for her too? She shook her head and focused on Lena who now had her face in her hands. Tentatively, Kara placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. Lena didn’t move away.

 

“Please,” Kara said, not knowing why exactly.

 

When she put her other hand on Lena’s left shoulder, Lena turned in her arms. The tension in the room had changed, more charged but less hostile now.

 

“Don’t,” Lena whispered softly. “Don’t.”

“Lena.”

 

Lena was waging an inner war; conflicted emotions written all over her face. Head against heart, if the confession she’d just made was anything to go by. Step closer or step back. Kara didn’t make a move, afraid that it would send Lena running. Lena made her decision when she looked into Kara’s vibrant eyes. She stepped into Kara’s space and pressed her lips against Kara’s.

 

Frozen in her spot, Kara didn’t react immediately. This wasn’t something she’d expected. But when her brain caught up, she kissed back ardently. This was no game, not this time. This time, Lena meant that kiss and she knew what it meant to Kara. They were on the same page. So Kara kissed back and she poured everything she had into it.

 

Lena tasted of tequila and lime, making Kara’s head spin. She bit on Lena’s plump lower lip which drew a moan out of the brunette, but also broke the spell. The sound barely out of her lips, Lena stepped back, a hand pressed against Kara’s chest to prevent her from chasing after her.

 

“Stop,” Lena breathed out, her eyes closed. “Stop.”

 

Kara didn’t push. She waited. Slowly, Lena retracted her hand and looked down.

 

“I shouldn’t have done that. Oh God I’m a terrible person,” she berated herself, hands going up to her temples.

“You’re not,” Kara said softly.

“Just—Don’t. I… Kara, this is wrong, okay? This—I have a girlfriend. I can’t be doing… this. Whatever this is. I should go.”

“It’s late, and you had a few drinks” Kara pointed out.

“It’ll be fine; there are cabs everywhere. And I’m far from drunk, Kara. I just can’t be here.”

“I know.”

 

They looked at each other then, eyes full of guilt and pain but also understanding and affection. Kara wanted nothing more than to engulf Lena in a hug but she knew it would be a while before this could happen.

 

“Let me know you got home safe, please.”

 

Lena nodded and finally made her way to the door. After one last glance at Kara, who still hadn’t moved but watched her go, Lena left the apartment.

 

__

 

Hours later, long after Kara had donned her costume and had flown above the taxi driving Lena home to make sure she got there safely, Kara lay awake in bed, replaying the events of the night in her mind, over and over.

 

The thought of Elle coming back from Italy in a week or so terrified her. What would Lena do now? Would she tell her girlfriend? Would she choose to disregard everything that had happened tonight with Kara? Would they still be friends?

 

Kara didn’t sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not condone cheating in any way, so I apologize if this triggered any of you. It was simply where the story took me and I didn't want to have to fight against the natural flow of it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I try too hard to make these longer but in the end I never do and I post them irregularly and I'M SORRY.

Lena dodged both calls and texts from Kara for the next three days. On Tuesday, Kara considered dropping by unannounced because they needed to talk things out, but she knew that Lena would feel cornered and would most likely end up lashing out at her instead. So she waited for a sign, anything that would let her know it was okay to see Lena again.

 

When Alex had asked her what got her in such a pissy mood on Monday, Kara had lied through her teeth and Alex’s unimpressed look had told her that her sister didn’t believe a word of what she’d said. But Alex hadn’t pressed, because they’d been at the DEO and there simply hadn’t been the time.

 

Wednesday morning, Kara texted Alex to ask her to come over that night. Alex replied within a minute, saying she’d be there at 7 with food and Kara sighed in relief. She needed to talk to someone about the _situation_ because she felt she would go crazy if she didn’t.

 

But the universe had other plans it seemed, because as soon as she stepped foot in her office at CatCo, Snapper was at her door.

 

“Danvers! I want the scoop on L-Corp’s new unveiling. Get to it.”

“But—”

“Do I look like I care for your opinion?”

“No?”

“No. You should already be halfway to your pal’s office. Go.”

 

Kara didn’t have time to protest; Snapper’s back already turned on her and disappearing at the corner. She sighed deeply but knew that there was no choice. Kara grabbed her notepad and the purse she’d just thrown onto her desk. In the elevator, she silently prayed that the interview would go smoothly and that the atmosphere wouldn’t be too awkward.

 

__

 

Lena stared at her when Kara stepped inside her office fifteen minutes later. She was wearing a dark red blouse with a white pencil skirt today, and her hair was in a high ponytail. Kara averted her eyes so as to avoid staring but Lena apparently didn’t care if she was totally obvious.

 

“Kara,” she said prudently. “I didn’t know you were stopping by today.”

“Snapper sent me. For an interview, about a new project of yours. Or so he said. I don’t actually know. I’m hoping you can tell me about it?”

 

Kara heard herself ramble and she groaned internally. Lena, however, visibly relaxed. She gestured toward the seat closest to Kara.

 

“Well, please, Kara. Have a seat. Let’s talk business.”

 

__

 

When she was satisfied that they’d covered everything Kara needed for her article, she thanked Lena for her time and gathered her things. Kara could feel green eyes on her, and she desperately wanted to stay, to ask Lena why she was putting up walls and why they couldn’t just talk like normal people. But it was neither the time nor the place for a lengthy discussion and she knew that would have to wait. Still, as she stood up, Kara’s eyes met Lena’s and she smiled.

 

“Come over tomorrow night?”

“I can’t,” was Lena’s immediate response.

“Even if I cook?”

“ _Especially_ if you cook. No offense,” Lena mocked.

 

Kara chuckled and shook her head, looking down at the floor.

 

“Well. After dinner then?”

“Kara… I’ve so much work to do these days…”

“When is Elle coming back?”

 

Lena froze at the mention of her girlfriend’s name. She leaned back in her seat, the smile gone from her face.

 

“Next Saturday,” she replied.

“So am I not going to see you until then?”

“I don’t know, Kara.”

 

It was a lie. Kara knew it was unlikely they’d see each other before Lena could talk with Elle, and she understood why, but it hurt nonetheless.

 

“Alright,” she said softly. “Goodbye then, Lena.”

 

Lena watched her leave without another word.

 

__

 

Alex tried to interrupt Kara four times within the first minute before Kara threatened to stop talking if her sister didn’t wait to ask questions. With great difficulties, Alex sat still and listened as Kara recounted what had happened with Lena. Once she was done, Kara looked at Alex expectantly and the older Danvers straightened up and grabbed Kara’s hand in hers.

 

“Okay. I’m going to be a big sister here.”

“Okay,” Kara acquiesced, unsure of what that meant exactly in this context.

“You messed up, Kara. You shouldn’t have kissed her.”

“I know,” Kara sighed. “But—”

“I’m not done. You should have played it off as a joke like Lena did at first. Blame it on the alcohol, the music and adrenaline, whatever. But you shouldn’t have confessed your feelings to her just like that. Not while her girlfriend is away on a business trip and Lena can’t talk to her in person. Not when you were both inebriated.”

“Far from drunk though,” Kara reminded her with a feeble smile.

“Maybe, but still drunk enough to lower your inhibitions, Kara. You would’ve never done such a thing had you been sober.”

 

Alex’s tone was gentle but Kara still felt like a scolded child.

 

“She doesn’t want to see me.”

“Give her time. Lena needs to think about where she stands and what she feels,” Alex advised.

“I know. It just sucks. I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”

“Yeah well,” Alex said as she got up from the couch, “suck it up. Love is hard.”

“Love?” Kara spluttered. “Who said anything about love? I didn’t—ha! What are you even—nooo.”

 

Her sister ignored her and walked to the fridge to take out a beer, before coming back to where Kara was sitting.

 

“Let go of the couch, Kara, or you’re going to tear into it.”

 

Kara realized that her hands were gripping the couch so tightly that her knuckles were white. She breathed out slowly and brought her hands on her thighs.

 

“What if Lena goes back to Elle like nothing happened?”

“Well, it’s a possibility and you have to be ready for it. But I don’t think she will.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s _you_ , Kara. I don’t know a single soul who wouldn’t choose you over anyone else.”

“You’re only saying this because you’re my sister,” Kara chuckled, a bit relieved nonetheless.

 

Alex saw the deflection for what it was and she didn’t insist, choosing to focus on the TV instead.

 

“So, which movie are we watching tonight?”

 

__

 

Kara never thought she’d one day be thankful for a string of attacks on the city. It was as if someone had heard her prayers for a distraction and had sent aliens and humans alike to wreak havoc in National City. As Supergirl, she spent her nights fighting in one place and in another the next minute. During the day, Kara Danvers wrote articles about whatever Snapper Carr deemed worthy of CatCo Magazine. Sometimes, Kara wrote about her alter-ego. It was something she actually enjoyed; knowing that what she was reporting was the absolute truth. The little free time she had, she spent with Alex and Winn, and James when he wasn’t too busy.

 

She didn’t hear from Lena at all.

 

__

 

“Kara?”

 

Kara froze, her hand still held out in front of her, full with coins that the cashier had just given her. She hadn’t expected to hear that voice anytime soon. _Or ever again_ , she thought. Slowly, Kara spun on her heels and met the eyes of none other than Elle.

 

“Elle, hi,” she greeted with a fake smile plastered on her face. “I didn’t know you were back.”

“I _literally_ just got back. I had to stop by Noonan’s for my coffee though.”

 

Elle walked past Kara to order; an order that Kara didn’t even hear, too caught up in her own head.

 

“So, how are you?”

“Huh?”

“I said, how are you,” Elle repeated, amusement in her eyes.

“I’m fine! Great. You? How was…”

“Italy.”

“Italy. How was it?”

“Beautiful. Bit boring. Would make a good vacation place but I didn’t have much time to enjoy it what with work and all that.”

“Oh.”

“Well,” Elle said as she grabbed her coffee and paid for it, “I’ll gladly tell you more about it over lunch or something. I’m off to see Lena! I’ll see you around, Kara.”

“Yeah, sure, bye!”

 

The words had barely left her mouth that Elle was already at the door, waving at her with one hand and holding her steaming cup of coffee in the other. Kara waited for a minute, rooted in her spot, to make sure she wouldn’t be following Elle. She felt her heart beating wildly in her chest and wondered if Elle had noticed her weird behavior. If she had, she’d been kind enough to not mention it. Kara took a sip of her hot drink, idly wondering if it’d have burned her tongue had she been human. It was only when an old lady bumped into her that Kara came back to her senses and exited the café as well.

 

__

 

“I don’t know what to do, Alex. By now she’s probably with Lena and how do I bring up the topic with Lena the next time I see her? If I ever see her again, that is, because she’s been avoiding me.”

“Kara, calm down.”

“I can’t calm down,” Kara whispered harshly in her phone.

 

That earned her a funny look from Eve, who was walking by the elevator where Kara stood. Kara faked a smile and got one in return, before turning away from prying eyes and ears. She refocused on what Alex was saying.

 

“… you need to give them some time.”

“What?”

“I said, Elle just arrived so you need to give them some time,” Alex repeated. “You can’t know what Lena will say to her so just… wait.”

“Wait. Alex, that’s such a lame advice,” Kara whined.

“Well, it’s the only thing you can do. I have to go; J’onn’s giving me the look.”

“Oh, the look! Go, then. We’ll talk later.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

 

Kara hung up and sighed deeply, knowing that her mind wouldn’t be able to focus on her work and would keep wandering back to Lena. She considered asking for the day off but chided herself for being such a teenager and stalked in her office where her instructions for the day awaited her.

 

__

 

It was late that night when her phone buzzed. Kara sprung to her feet and grabbed the device lying on the kitchen table. It was a text message from Lena. Kara’s heart started beating faster and she opened it immediately.

 

_Come over._

 

Kara frowned. That was unexpectedly short and curt. She replied with a “now?” and waited. Lena’s answer didn’t take long.

 

_Yes now. Let’s not pretend you can’t be here in under a minute._

 

Kara’s phone clattered to the floor.

 

Lena knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN
> 
> Shit's about to hit the fan, and the ceiling is white.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry everyone, I've been MIA for a while because I had to shoot a short film for an exam. So I wasn't left with much time to write at all, and being on hiatus doesn't help.
> 
> I'll try to update sooner next time.
> 
> Come talk to me @ blood-inthefields.tumblr.com

Kara took as much time as she could to fly over to Lena’s. She knew a confrontation was inevitable at this point and she definitely wasn’t ready for it. Once she finally landed in an alley close to Lena’s place, she took a deep breath and marched forward, hoping that Lena would understand Kara’s reasons to keep her true identity a secret.

 

__

 

Lena opened the door barely two seconds after Kara knocked, as if she’d been waiting almost right behind it. Her expression betrayed nothing but the lack of smile or warmth in her eyes was a clear indication of her feelings. The door closed a bit more loudly than necessary behind Kara which made her wince before she turned to face Lena.

 

“Hi,” she said with a small smile. “How are you?”

“Peachy,” Lena replied flatly.

 

Kara stood awkwardly, letting Lena set the pace of their meeting. She glanced around. She’d been here before, several times over the months, and while she usually loved all the black and white and grey that decorated Lena’s penthouse, Kara couldn’t help thinking that tonight the place felt cold. The CEO walked toward the table and closed the laptop she’d no doubt been working on earlier.

 

“Elle is back,” Lena said.

“I know… I ran into her this morning at Noonan’s.”

 

Lena nodded, eyes refusing to meet Kara’s. Kara fidgeted, unsure of what to say or do next.

 

“Uh, you wanted to see me?”

“Sit,” Lena ordered as she gestured toward the white leather couch a few feet away.

 

Through the floor-to-ceiling sliding door, Kara could see the moon cast a pale glow on the piece of furniture. She turned her gaze away from the window to focus on Lena who apparently wasn’t going to sit with her. She stood in front of Kara, arms crossed, glaring down at her. Kara shivered. This wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation.

 

“Do you trust me, Kara?”

“What?”

“Do you—“

“Of course I trust you! How can you even doubt that I—oh,” Kara cut herself mid-sentence as she realized where Lena was going with that. “Lena, I swear I trust you, I do,” she affirmed.

“Yet you kept that secret from me, this whole time. I thought… I thought we were best friends. I mean, I get why you wouldn’t tell me at first, obviously, what with my last name and all—”

“It was _never_ about your last name,” Kara said forcefully.

 

Kara’s words were an admission of guilt and they both knew it. A silence fell, heavy. When Kara made a move to stand, Lena stepped back and the Kryptonian froze.

 

“Lena?”

“Why, then? Were you trying to… I don’t know, keep an eye on me? To make sure I didn’t turn out like Lex?”

“Of course not!”

“Then explain it to me, Kara! Tell me why, of all people, I had to hear it from Elle!”

 

It was to be expected, but Kara couldn’t help the anger that she felt. She’d trusted Elle to keep the secret and the betrayal stung. Then there was a flash of guilt reminding her that Elle wouldn’t have said anything had Kara not kissed Lena in the first place and caused an argument between them. She wondered what Lena had told her that had provoked Elle enough for her to spill Kara’s secret.

 

“Did she explain what happened to her?”

“Not really, no. She was too busy storming out after saying she should have known there was no competing with a _superhero_.”

 

Kara made a mental note to come back to that last sentence later. She finally stood up and this time, Lena remained still.

 

“There was a bank robbery, a few days before she left for Italy. We happened to be on the sidewalk when the robbers came out. We were blocking their way to their escape van. One of them pulled out a gun and shot at us. I didn’t just tell her who I am, Lena. I had no choice but to reveal myself to protect her from the bullet.”

 

There were unshed tears in Lena’s green eyes and Kara swallowed hard.

 

“She didn’t tell me,” Lena whispered. “She almost died and she didn’t even tell me. I wasn’t there for her.”

“No, Lena, come on, you can’t blame yourself for that, you couldn’t have known…”

“I couldn’t have known because that would have exposed _you_. I didn’t know my girlfriend went through something traumatic because you kept who you are from me.”

 

Lena turned away from Kara and Kara’s heart sank.

 

“She got shot at, couldn’t tell me and then she flew off to Italy. And when she comes back, instead of being happy I’m just a confused mess who tells her I need a _break_ ,” Lena said angrily.

“Lena—”

“I told her,” Lena continued as she once again looked Kara in the eye, “that our time apart had made me think over our relationship and that I wasn’t sure where this was going so I needed more time.”

 

At a loss for words, Kara watched as Lena walked to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a glass and a bottle of scotch.

 

“I’d offer you some but I know Kryptonians aren’t affected by human alcohol,” Lena scowled.

 

Kara wanted to disappear.

 

“I’m so sorry,” she uttered; her voice barely loud enough to reach Lena’s ears.

“Why?”

“Why am I—”

“Why didn’t you tell me,” Lena clarified as she took a sip of her glass.

 

Not for the first time, Kara wished she _could_ actually be affected by human alcohol. It would definitely make this easier.

 

“I just wanted to protect you,” she offered meekly.

“Protect me from what? How does me knowing you’re Supergirl put me in danger? If anything, it might be dangerous for you because if anyone knows I know they might come after me to get to you. And I understand that, Kara, I do. If you didn’t tell me to protect yourself I can understand but spare me the bullshit answer because I think I deserve—”

“I wanted to protect you from me!”

 

Kara’s outburst surprised both of them and Lena’s words died in her throat. She looked at Kara, confusion written all over her face. Kara inhaled deeply to calm her nerves and she took the plunge.

 

“I wanted to protect you from _me_. You see, with Kara Danvers it’s easy. She’s funny and cute and a bit awkward. But with Kara Zor-El… That girl lost her whole world when she was thirteen. She’s seen so much death and destruction around her. There’s a darkness there that I didn’t want to impose on you. I didn’t want you to see me as broken and I just wanted you to lean on me when you needed someone and I know _you_ , Lena. I know you would’ve never shared your problems with me if you thought I already had too much on my shoulders. And you’re my best friend and I… I want to be there for you unconditionally.”

 

When Lena remained silent, processing her friend’s confession, Kara sighed and looked down, her head shaking lightly.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and made you feel like I didn’t trust you. I was afraid I’d lose you if you knew, to be honest.”

 

At last, Lena stepped forward and reached out, letting her fingertips graze Kara’s arm. Kara looked at the pale hand and smiled weakly.

 

“You never have to hide from me, Kara. I want to know who you are, _all_ of you. I don’t need you to always be sunshine and rainbows. I would never want you to feel like you can’t be yourself when you’re with me. I don’t need to be protected from you, okay?”

 

Kara nodded, still unable to bring herself to look at Lena, whose fingers had now wrapped around Kara’s wrist.

 

“And to be completely honest as well,” Lena continued, “I kind of suspected already. I’m not upset about who you are, Kara. I’m upset that it’s not you who told me.”

“I know.”

“I’m going to need time. Away from you and away from Elle. Just… time to think,” Lena sighed as she let go of Kara and took a step back.

 

Kara wanted to follow, to wrap her arms around Lena but she forced herself to remain still. Lena emptied her glass and placed it carefully on the coffee table, then she walked over to the sliding door and opened it. The air of the night rushed into the penthouse and Kara inhaled deeply. Lena looked back and, with a head motion, told Kara to follow her outside on the balcony. Leaning on the railing, five hundred feet above ground, Kara waited for Lena to speak. She expected rejection, but was surprised by Lena’s next words.

 

“Did it get easier with time? To live on Earth, I mean.”

“A little bit,” Kara answered after a short silence. “Alex made it bearable. She helped me a lot and taught me everything about teenagers in this world. Then I made my own friends and I graduated. Worked a few jobs before I became Cat Grant’s assistant. You know what happened after that.”

“Do you miss Krypton,” Lena asked, chancing a glance at Kara, whose eyes were looking up at the night sky.

“Every day,” Kara whispered.

 

It felt good, to finally be able to mention her past to Lena. It felt right. Kara wished she’d done it sooner and spared them both the heartbreak of betrayal. The memory of Lena’s earlier words came back to her all of a sudden.

 

“Did you tell Elle about, uh, what happened between us?”

“No,” Lena replied immediately, still staring off into the distance. “She guessed it had something to do with you. Apparently I… mention you a lot.”

“Oh.”

 

They stood in silence for a while, arms not quite brushing but close enough to feel the other’s warmth. Yet, Kara had never felt such a gap between them. She wondered if they’d ever be able to fix this, she wondered if there was anything she could do or if only time would heal them both. Lena’s loud sigh pulled Kara out of her thoughts.

 

“You should go,” Lena said quietly. “I need to sleep on this.”

“Of course.”

 

Kara wanted to leave but found that she couldn’t. She couldn’t leave things like that with Lena. When Lena realized that Kara wasn’t going to move, she turned to look at her, quizzically.

 

“I’m sorry I messed everything up,” Kara finally said.

 

For a moment, it looked as if Lena wanted to say something in return but no words came out of her mouth. Kara nodded then, in defeat, and turned toward the balcony.

 

“Goodnight, Lena.”

 

Since there was no need to hide who she was now, Kara raised a fist above her head and took off silently. She didn’t look back once, but she felt Lena’s eyes on her until she disappeared high into the sky.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's super short and I'm sorry to make you wait so long to read so little but hiatus has me binge-watching other shows and I get busy. I'll try to conclude this story in a few chapters though. 
> 
> Thank you for all the feedback, you're lovely!

The disquieting calmness of National City over the next few days didn’t help. The DEO was anxious; a period of tranquility almost always meant there would soon be an onslaught of attacks and the agents were getting restless. Kara herself felt lulled into a false sense of security and peace. She knew it was only the calm before the storm.

 

Not knowing how Lena was doing added to her frustration. Alex was the first casualty of Kara’s short temper when Kara snapped at her over cancelling their sister night after Maggie had been slightly concussed at work. Kara apologized immediately after her outburst and she took off in the air for an hour in the hopes of clearing her mind. Alex would forgive her in no time, she had no doubt about that, but she still felt like shit for reacting so poorly. The possibility that she had lost Lena forever, that their relationship could never be mended, weighted heavily on her.

 

__

 

On a particularly bad day, James had to call Kara out on her behavior.

 

“I thought Snapper would be teaching you how to be a good reporter,” he said, “but I never expected him to give you lessons on how to be a grouch, Kara.”

 

Sheepish, Kara apologized for being short-tempered as of late, and James squeezed her shoulder comfortingly.

 

“It’s okay,” he told her, “we all have our bad days. Just, please, can you pretend to be Sunny Danvers while you’re here? People are weirded out by your constant frown.”

 

That, at least, got a chuckle out of her.

 

“I’ll try,” she offered with a small smile.

 

James nodded and left her office with a wave. Kara sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She really needed to focus on her job. She had articles to write. Even though none of the topics were particularly engaging, they were still a welcome distraction.

 

__

 

“Oh come _on_ ,” Kara groaned as she took out her burnt pizza from the oven. “It didn’t take me _that_ long to shower!”

 

She sighed as she threw her dinner into the trash and grabbed her phone to order a pizza. Just as she was about to press “call” someone knocked on her door. A quick glance at the time on her phone informed her it was well past nine in the evening already and Kara frowned. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Using her x-ray vision, Kara gasped when she saw who was standing on the other side of the door. She put her phone on the table and wiped her hands on her shorts, then quickly made her way to the entrance door.

 

A hand on the handle, Kara took a deep breath and opened the door. Her eyes met dark brown ones and blood rushed to her face.

 

“Elle. Hi.”

“Kara.”

 

They stared at each other for a few seconds until Kara gathered her wits and stepped aside.

 

“Please, come in,” she said.

 

Without a word, Elle stepped inside and waited for Kara to close the door before speaking again.

 

“I’m sorry for dropping by at this hour.”

 

To Kara, she didn’t sound sorry at all, but she waved it off with a hand and offered that they sit around the kitchen island to talk.

 

“I’m guessing you saw Lena today, yes?”

 

Kara nodded.

 

“Then I’m sure she must have told you what happened when I visited her?”

“She did—sort of,” Kara confirmed. “We mostly talked about Supergirl.”

 

Elle didn’t even look sheepish at all. She held Kara’s steely gaze without blinking, and when she spoke again, her tone was much colder.

 

“Yes, well, I wanted to inquire about the sanction since I basically broke the NDA.”

“You—I—well, no one knows that yet. I haven’t… told anyone.”

“Why not?”

“Because…”

 

Kara sighed and looked at her hands.

 

“Because I don’t blame you at all. I should have told Lena a long time ago and placing the burden of that secret on you wasn’t exactly fair.”

“I blew up at her, Kara. I asked her if her need for a break was related to you and she said nothing. She didn’t deny it, which is basically the same as a confirmation.”

“But—”

“And I knew—I _knew_ it. When I saw you two together, when I caught you in the same bed, I knew it was only a matter of time. Before we even started dating, I could feel that she already had someone in mind. It became clearer with time. She always found a way to mention you, here and there, Kara this, Kara that. I didn’t piece it together immediately, but then I saw her with you and it clicked.”

 

Eyes downcast, Elle ran both hands through her hair and smiled bitterly.

 

“I never stood a chance,” she whispered, more to herself than to Kara.

 

Sitting awkwardly across from her, Kara struggled to find her words. She had expected Elle to be angry, to lash out. Instead, she was facing a sad woman with a broken heart, and she knew this was something she could not fix. She would not be a hypocrite and offer empty words in an attempt to comfort Elle. Somehow, she had the feeling that this was the last thing Elle wanted to hear.

 

“Lena loves you,” she said softly.

“She cares for me,” Elle corrected immediately, “but she loves _you_.”

“That’s not—she’s dating you. She’s your girlfriend.”

“Not anymore.”

“You’re just on a break, but I’m sure—”

“Kara. This is Lena Luthor you’re talking about. Once her mind is set, there’s no going back. The break was just an excuse to let me down gently. I’m not going to stick around and hope that she comes back to me. I know she won’t. Not when she has you.”

“You don’t even know if I love her!”

 

Elle smiled at that, a knowing smile that twisted Kara’s gut and made the guilt burn even hotter in there. Then she stood up and picked up her purse from the floor where she’d let it.

 

“I knew you loved her the moment I laid eyes on you outside of her office. You looked green with jealousy.”

 

Then her expression grew serious, her lips set in a thin line. Kara got up as well but didn’t move any closer.

 

“How are you not angry,” she asked Elle.

“Oh I am. Believe me, I am. I don’t know what happened between the two of you while I was gone and I do _not_ want to know. It was enough to make Lena realize that I’m not what she wants and that’s that.”

“I told her,” Kara blurted out.

 

Elle’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

 

“Told her what?”

“About you getting shot at. How I had to reveal myself as Supergirl. I had to. She felt really bad that you had to hide this from her and she couldn’t be there for you.”

“My Lena,” Elle said with a fondness tinged with sadness. “Always blaming herself.”

 

Then, as if remembering herself, Elle stood up straighter, chin up.

 

“Well, I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

 

She walked to the door and opened it, before looking back at Kara who had yet to move.

 

“I don’t believe we’ll see each other again, Kara Danvers. Though I am sure I’ll hear about Supergirl on the news. Take care of yourself. Take even better care of her.”

“I—I’m sorry, Elle. You deserve someone…”

“Oh please. Let’s not. Goodbye, then.”

 

Kara’s own goodbye died in her throat as Elle disappeared in the hallway, door closing softly behind her. She looked down at her hands and noticed they were shaking a bit. She exhaled slowly and walked to one of the windows that she opened to take in the fresh air of the night. A loud rumble reminded her that she had not eaten yet, but Kara was in no mood to wait for delivery in her apartment which felt too small and stuffy at the moment. Instead, she changed into her costume and jumped off, flying to another city that had one of the best food joints she’d ever had the pleasure to eat at.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure next chapter will be the last. I'll update ASAP. I hope you still like this!

The last thing Kara expected when she came home from work later than anticipated a couple of days later was to find Lena leaning against the door of her apartment, obviously waiting for her. Kara stopped dead in her tracks and then hurriedly walked toward her friend.

 

“Lena?”

 

Lena, who seemed to not have heard her approach, startled and looked up from the phone she held in her hand.

 

“Kara,” she greeted with a small smile. “I was about to call you.”

“Well, I’m here now. Have you been waiting long,” Kara asked while she unlocked her door and stepped inside; Lena following closely.

“Oh no, no. Just five minutes. I thought you’d be home already.”

“I should’ve been. Snapper had a last minute article he wanted me to write.”

 

Lena headed straight for the couch and plopped down on it. Kara joined her a moment later with two wine glasses and a bottle of red.

 

“Thank you,” Lena said as she took the glass Kara offered.

“So, what brings you here? I have to say, I didn’t expect to see you, uh, anytime soon.”

 

From the way Lena looked down at her hands nervously, Kara guessed she hadn’t planned on stopping by at all.

 

“You know we’re still best friends, right? You don’t actually need a valid reason, or a reason at all. I’m glad to see you,” she reassured softly.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you some questions,” Lena admitted after a while.

“About…”

“You. Your life. Before. I wasn’t sure how to bring up the topic.”

“It’s okay. You can just ask me whatever you want.”

 

Lena smiled and nodded, encouraged by Kara’s kind words.

 

“Would you tell me what about your parents?”

 

__

 

Over an hour and two bottles of wine later, Kara finally stopped talking. Lena’s hands were on hers now, rubbing small circles on Kara’s warm skin. The silence was contemplative, not awkward or tense, as Lena processed all of Kara’s confessions about her past.

 

“Thank you,” she said, “for sharing all of this with me.”

“Thank you for asking.”

“I know I said I needed time—and I do—but I really want us to be friends, Kara. For now. Just…”

“Just friends?”

“Yeah. Can you do that?”

“Can you,” Kara countered.

 

Lena smiled and retracted her hands. She emptied the last of the second bottle into their glasses, pouring an equal amount of wine in each, then handed one to Kara.

 

“To friendship, then,” she offered as a toast.

“To friendship.”

 

__

 

Things got better after that. Well, better for Kara’s relationship with Lena. Not so much for Supergirl, who was once again overwhelmed by alien and human threats alike. It seemed the city had woken up from its slumber and now Kara was spread so thin that she could barely take time to eat which was the worst thing for her mood.

 

Lena’s frequent calls were what got her through the toughest days. On a particularly bad evening, Kara tried to call Lena from the DEO where she was to spend the night, but no luck. She had suffered injuries during a fight—a fight that had been reported live on TV—and after beating the alien and making sure Alex and the other agents had him into their custody, Kara had crashed on the sun bed for a couple of hours.

 

Waking up to the sound of her phone buzzing, Kara noticed three missed calls from Lena and she sat up immediately, suddenly feeling much better.

 

“Hey,” she said when Lena picked up. “Sorry I couldn’t call you sooner.”

“Kara, are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine. All good.”

 

She heard the sigh of relief Lena let out. Kara could almost see her with her eyes closed, her free hand pinching the bridge of her nose, or perhaps she was biting her nails. Typical Lena.

 

“Where are you?”

“Uh, it’s classified?”

 

Lena snorted and the undignified sound make Kara smile. She felt the urge to fly to Lena’s office—because no doubt that despite the late hour, the CEO was still working—but she knew it wasn’t something she could do. They were friends, but Lena still needed time.

 

“I was worried. I saw you on TV; the fight looked intense.”

“Yeah,” Kara sighed. “It was. I hate that the media actually film me when I fight. It makes me look weak in everyone’s eyes when I get thrown around like a rag doll.”

“No one thinks that.”

“Well, you don’t know that.”

“Hmm. True, I don’t, but I know you and I know how strong you are.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. And I’ve seen your abs,” Lena added in a teasing tone.

 

Kara chuckled nervously—was Lena flirting?—and cleared her throat.

 

“So, uh, do you think we could go to lunch tomorrow?”

 

There was a short silence on the other end of the line. Just as Kara was about to call her name, Lena spoke again.

 

“Can you come over now?”

 

__

 

Kara couldn’t remember the last time she’d flown that fast. It might have been when she and Barry had raced each other to determine who was faster and she wasn’t even sure. But Lena had called, and Lena wanted to see her so Kara, despite her earlier injuries, rushed out of the DEO and soared high into the sky with renewed strength.

 

In under a minute, she was landing on Lena’s balcony. Lena was expecting her, leaning against the frame of the sliding door, a glass of wine in her hand and a smirk on her face.

 

“You don’t look too horrible for someone who’s been thrown into buildings only a couple of hours ago,” she greeted.

“Haha,” Kara replied, “nice to see you too, Luthor.”

 

Lena’s face grew serious and she walked toward Kara, placing her glass carefully on the outdoor table of the balcony.

 

“How are you,” she asked, eyeing Kara’s face with concern.

“I’m fine. It’s okay,” Kara reassured her.

 

She placed a comforting hand on Lena’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. Lena didn’t look convinced but she smiled nonetheless and turned back, motioning for Kara to follow her.

 

“Come in. I have something in the oven.”

“At this hour?”

“Yeah I didn’t have time to eat before, I was stuck at the office.”

“Oh.”

“And now I can share with you.”

“Awesome!”

 

__

 

“Have you heard from Elle?”

 

The question was out of her mouth before Kara could stop herself. Lena, who had been focused on the movie playing on the TV in front of them, turned her head slowly and looked at Kara in confusion.

 

“Uh, no. I don’t… I don’t think I’ll hear from her anytime soon. Why?”

“Just wondering, I guess.”

 

The truth was that Kara couldn’t help thinking about the situation they found themselves in. She felt guilty but she still wanted to be with Lena, which made her feel even guiltier. And of course, Lena being her best friend, saw right through her. She sat up straighter and looked at Kara, the movie forgotten.

 

“What happened with Elle wasn’t your fault. I know I blew up at you and I haven’t handled the situation very well, but you were right to come clean about your feelings.”

“I hurt you, and I hurt Elle and neither of you deserved that,” Kara pointed out.

“True, but keeping it from us was hurting _you_ , and how is that any better?”

 

Kara wanted to argue, to say that she could have handled it, but she knew it was pointless because Lena would never let her blame herself. Instead, she held out her hand and smiled when Lena took it and entwined their fingers.

 

“Now, can we go back to the movie?”

 

__

 

When Kara woke up the next morning, her heart skipped a beat. She wasn’t in her room—in fact, she wasn’t in her apartment at all—and there was something heavy resting on top of her. She blinked hard and tried to focus but the sun was in her eyes and she squinted. Then the memory of the previous night came back to her and she sighed softly.

 

 _Lena_.

 

Apparently they’d fallen asleep on the couch, which Kara thought was definitely weird, but she had been tired after all. Lena’s head was buried against her neck and she was lying half on top of Kara, pinning one of her arms to the couch. Kara smiled and, with her free hand, she caressed Lena’s hair gently.

 

“Luthor, wake up. I’m hungry.”

“Hmmm,” Lena protested, still asleep.

“I know you hate mornings,” Kara said quietly, “but I will make pancakes if you get up.”

 

Lena didn’t reply and Kara’s empty stomach grumbled. She made a decision. In a flash, Kara was standing up with Lena in her arms, clearly unbothered by the change in position. Kara kissed her forehead and brought her to the bedroom where she gently laid her down on the bed.

 

“I’ll go make breakfast; you take your time to wake up properly, grumpy grouch.”

 

A grunt from Lena was the only acknowledgement Kara received and she left for the kitchen with a smile on her face. This kind of morning, she’d get used to pretty quickly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for making you wait this long. With the summer and SDCC I haven't really been in the mindset to write. I've decided to conclude the story; it was coming to a close anyway. I hope those still reading will enjoy it. Thanks for all the feedback; it's been nice!

It was Lena who took the lead from then on, and for that, Kara was glad. She wasn’t sure she could have waited much longer.

 

They’d been dancing around each other for weeks, long after Elle was out of the picture. Alex had been rolling her eyes every time Kara mentioned Lena during sisters’ night but Kara couldn’t help herself.

 

“Just throw her on the bed already,” she’d whined after Kara’s endless tirade about how she thought Lena was the greatest being alive.

 

Kara had feigned offense and Alex had received a pillow in the face for her comment.

 

A week later, Kara and Lena were on a _date_ , at Lena’s request. Lena was wearing blue and Kara _wished_ she could look away but it was impossible. Of course Lena knew. She’d chosen the outfit on purpose; Kara was certain. She couldn’t complain though. Her best friend looked exquisite. Kara licked her lips and she noticed how Lena’s eyes followed the movement.

 

It was during the main course of their dinner that Lena told her.

 

“Elle called.”

 

Kara almost choked on her mouthful of fettuccine alfredo and downed her entire glass of water under Lena’s worried gaze.

 

“I’m fine,” she finally managed to say. “I’m glad you decided to order in because me dying on our first date in public would have been really mortifying,” she added as a joke.

 

Lena smiled politely but didn’t laugh, and Kara cleared her throat.

 

“So, uh. You were saying?”

“Elle called me this morning,” Lena resumed, “while I was getting ready for a meeting.”

“Oh.”

 

An awkward silence followed, until Lena broke it.

 

“Are you not going to ask me what she wanted?”

“Well, what did she want?”

“To let me know that she’s doing well and that I need to stop worrying about her.”

“How did she—”

“She said that she’d been expecting to see something about me dating a reporter in the news,” Lena cut her off, “and that she was wondering if I was keeping it a secret so as to not hurt her feelings.”

“And what did you tell her?”

“The truth. Well, just that we weren’t dating, actually. I left out the part where I feel guilty but Elle is… _Elle_ , and she just knew. She said I was wasting precious time.”

 

Lena’s declaration hung in the air, heavy. Kara took her glass of water and drank it in small sips, looking anywhere but at Lena. The brunette sighed.

 

“Kara… Elle is fine. I know her and I know that she wouldn’t have called if she resented me. Or you.”

“She—we hurt her, but she gave us, what, her blessing? That’s just weird.”

“It’s not, if you know her,” Lena said with a smile.

“Is that why you asked me on a date _today_? I thought this was a little short notice but that’d explain it.”

“It is, actually. I texted you right after I hung up. I was feeling… light. For the first time in weeks.”

 

Creeping slowly on the table, Kara’s hand found Lena’s and held it tight.

 

“I’m glad. So, are we officially dating now?”

“If this is still something you want, yes.”

“Does that mean I get to kiss you,” Kara asked, hopeful.

 

As an answer, Lena brought their joined hands to her lips and kissed Kara’s fingers. Then she got up, slowly, never breaking eye contact and waited for Kara to catch up. The Kryptonian did after a couple of seconds and all but floated up to her feet. Lena chuckled.

 

“Eager much?”

“Shut up,” Kara replied, embarrassed.

“Make me,” Lena dared her.

 

So Kara did. It was nothing like she’d expected. She’d imagined Lena as soft and delicate, but Lena was none of that. She was hard and demanding, chasing after Kara’s lips when she dared to break contact even for a mere second. Lena was _hungry_ and Kara was thrilled, yet almost intimidated. After a long moment of intense making out, Kara pulled back and held Lena at arm’s length.

 

“What’s wrong,” Lena asked immediately.

“Nothing. It’s just… well, I’ve never…”

“Had sex?” Lena joked.

“Shut up,” Kara chastised. “Not with a woman.”

“Well, Kara, you have nothing to worry about. We’ll take things slow. No problem.”

“ _That_ ’s what you call slow?”

 

Lena looked around them then and noticed that Kara’s backside was pressed against the back of the couch, almost ready to topple over. She blushed.

 

“In my defense this was our first kiss and I just really wanted it.”

 

Kara pulled her closer and kissed the tip of her nose.

 

“I’m absolutely fine with this. But let’s slow down a little, okay?”

“Of course. Can we at least hold hands?”

“You idiot,” Kara laughed. “Come here.”

 

Lena didn’t need to be told twice. She stepped into Kara’s embrace and hugged her tightly, sighing contentedly when she felt Kara press a kiss on her jaw.

 

“I’m never going to get tired of this,” she whispered.

“Good.”

 

__

 

It was a cold morning in National City when Kara saw Elle for the first time in months. The young reporter was waiting in line for her coffee on her way to CatCo when Elle pushed the door and walked in. Their eyes met and Kara froze, but Elle offered a warm smile and Kara knew everything would be alright.

 

“I was hoping to find you here,” Elle said once Kara, coffee in hand, walked over to where she had elected to sit.

“How are you,” Kara asked as she sat on the empty chair across from Elle.

“Good. I’m here on business, actually. I thought maybe we could catch up, too. I mean if you’re not too busy.”

 

The grin on her face let Kara know that she was referencing her double life and Kara shrugged.

 

“There are good and bad days. It’s been rather quiet lately.”

“Good. That’s good news. Kara… I wanted to apologize for outing you to Lena.”

“It’s okay. I should’ve told her long before that anyway. I’m almost glad you did. If you hadn’t, maybe she’d still be in the dark and we wouldn’t be…”

“Dating?”

“Yeah,” Kara exhaled shakily, checking out Elle’s reaction to the news.

 

Elle was smiling, and Kara detected no ounce of resentment on her face.

 

“I’m happy for the both of you. And… I actually have someone in my life, too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. She’s pretty great. It’s only been a couple of months but I have a good feeling.”

“I’m so glad,” Kara said sincerely.

“Lena is wonderful, as I’m sure you know. Take care of her, will you?”

“I promise.”

 

One glance at the clock told Kara she was running late for work. She cleared her throat and stood up; Elle imitating her.

 

“I have to go. How long will be you in town?”

“A few days. Want to grab dinner? Maybe tomorrow, with Lena?”

“Sure, yeah!”

“Will you let her know?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you, Kara.”

 

With one last smile and a squeeze on the shoulder, Elle left Noonan’s. Kara watched her go, knowing she’d end up flying to CatCo anyway. As Elle disappeared from her sight, Kara let out a breath. A part of her had been waiting for Elle’s anger and jealousy, but Elle held none of that in her. Kara knew it now. Elle was doing well and she wasn’t mad. She was offering friendship, and Kara was going to take her up on that offer.

 

Perhaps, after all, things were going to work out for the best. Kara hoped so.


End file.
